I hate your face
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
