Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Reggie can tackle my bush.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
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