My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
