I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
