how hairy? two words: wookie tits
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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