This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
