I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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