So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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