my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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