just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
