i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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