dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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