Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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