help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
We named our party play list daddy issues
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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