I want to have your abortion
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
where are my eyebrows?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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