Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
She said her name was "party"
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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