i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
