I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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