Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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