I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
