I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
what day is it and did you see me today?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
