..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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