Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
