I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
