nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
