I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
