booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
