Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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