her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
