I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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