woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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