I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
