Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
