Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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