he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
