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This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
