I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
