im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
