Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
