im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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