yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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