and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
