just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
