I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
