What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
