well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize