i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
