Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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