I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
