My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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