I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Randomize
