now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
