Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize