I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
