i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
No I am not eating basil off your cock
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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