Already got asked if we're dating
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
