I can't watch pbs sober anymore
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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