how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
