Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
