dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
