I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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