Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
