How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
