i jhust puked up my retainher.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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