Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Randomize
