Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
worst night to have a conscience
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
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