so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize