His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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