ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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